big irony or what? ::

hm, my CGL sent me an email. CGL as in cell group leader. i dunno if its me or what, but i think he sounded quite resigned. and at the same time, he's quite decided on what he says. on not having enough resources to take care of errant flock like me. okay lah, i used the word errant flock on myself lah.. he didn't say that.

okay, for your info, i haven't been going to church or CG for quite a while. like i'd told xuel, just now, who by the way is also an CGL in her own church, i just don't feel right in the CG. as in.. i felt like i'm forced to acknowledge them to be my best friends overnight or something save for a few.

i wonder really how many of them know me. know me as in know me. not even my good friends know me if you get what i mean. if you think you know me through reading my blog, i don't think you know me too. even minute things which displeases me, or makes me happy, i don't think some of my friends know.

i want to go church. but my schedule doesn't permit me and i'm not ready - i want to go willingly, with a true intention to enjoy worshipping God and receive spiritual input, not go to church and sleep. so, the email to me appears to be some form of ultimatum complete with a deadline. okay, maybe you may think that those are excuses, but im sick of it lah. you can say im sick of trying to be good, if not better.

God knows these. He's planning a right time for me to pick up His Word and Wisdom again. I will not live on borrowed faith anymore. Soon.